If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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