I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
