My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
