What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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