It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
