everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
