Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
