dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
