Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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