can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
