Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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