bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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