Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
