took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
