There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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