New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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