apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
