I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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