I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
