I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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