she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i think i scared a bird with my dick
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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