What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
