For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
