You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
