we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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