alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
