Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Im part way to drunk.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
