just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
