I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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