You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
