I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
