Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
