That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
