I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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