I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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