So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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