??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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