I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
