Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
