Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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