he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
