Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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