Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
