Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
