never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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