Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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