We need to rekindle our bromance
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
