I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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