I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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