Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
