I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
