my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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