i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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